Howard Stern's sidekick, Artie Lange, attempted suicide by stabbing himself nine times

Police said the comedian's mother called 911 after she found him bleeding on the floor at 9:36 a.m. on Saturday, Jan. 2. Lt. Det. Mark Competello said Lange was unconscious with nine “self-inflicted stab wounds,” made with a 13-inch Wolfgang Puck kitchen knife.

I don't know about you, but that would f'ing hurt. What could possibly make this guy stab himself? Wait, don't tell me, Whaaa I make more than 80% of the population, Whaaa i make $65.000 a night, Whaaa I work on the Howard Stern show 5 hours a day 4 days a week,Whaaa I sold out Carnegie hall in minutes, Whaaa I'm being driven to work every day ,Whaaa I have a number one seller (book), Whaaa i have a hot girl friend….

Sorry I got no sympathy at all. Too bad the doctors saved this loser. Maybe Howard will try it next and add a little "Chlorine to the Gene Pool".